"This was the problem with having walls so hard and high and unscalable, she supposed. When they came down, they crumbled completely, shattering into nothingness."

Was on the way to school this morning, having slept at 2.30am and had woken up at 5.30am, spending the whole night and morning stressing out over the Sejarah paper and was on the verge of breaking down. The whole ride to school I was just trying not to break out in tears while my head was just hurting from worrying so much. 

As the car pulled up on the road of the school gate, I happened to glance up. And I realize how beautiful the sky was this morning. Granted, I arrive at school before 7am, and usually it would still be really dark and gloomy at that time. But this morning, the sky was bright, and it was in a dreamy mixture of colours - orange, pink, blue and the white clouds scattered across the sky. It was a cool and breezy morning, birds flying across the sky. 

At that moment, I just realized how easy it was to miss out on such beauty while being cumbered with so many worries in life. I also realized how in the midst of worrying and all I can think of is about the problem, God always manages to send me reassurance, comfort, whether it be a beautiful scenery, a bible verse sent on whatsapp, a hug from a little junior, or even just a simple reassuring stroke on my back. 

Of course, it is normal to worry, it's not as if every single problem will have a happily-ever-after to it (most often not). I've had one too many downfalls this year which has caused me much paranoia in most things I do now. 

But hey, I can't tell you some miraculous way to stop downfalls or how to get right back after one cause I haven't quite figured it out as well. But in time, all will heal. :)

Take care everyone!

Last day of BK class - going to miss the LRT trips, freezing classrooms, entertaining people and amazing lessons. Whatever results I end up getting for BK - I will not regret BK as a subject for SPM. Taking up this subject was not the matter of simply taking an additional subject for a chance to get an extra A. Although I only started taking lessons this year (a year left behind - cramming both form 4 and 5 syllabus in 1 year), I can honestly say that this journey has strengthened me spiritually before I head off to college, uni, and working life later on.

Ending today's class really gave me the feeling that I am ending my schooling life. 

I will miss this, but I am ready to start something new. :)

SPM in t-minus 2 days. 

I have an uncle who calls me at random times, though rather frequently. Every single time he calls me, it would be the exact same question. 

"Are you studying now?"

"Why aren't you studying?"

"Why do you always go out?"

"Have you found scholarships to study overseas yet?"

"Stop playing around so much you know"

"Why you waste time joining this prefects, st john all, no use one la"

And I hate every single bit of it. 

I hate being pressured. I may have been consistently the top student without much effort in the past few years, but I can tell you that it isn't that way anymore. I don't know why, or what changed, but it just does not come as easily to me as it used to anymore. The first few months as I struggled with this problem, I was terrified, I was depressed. Results used to mean almost everything to me, and every exam was my battlefield - one I used to triumphant in. And when I started losing out - I questioned what was wrong with me. 

But now, I have finally accepted the fact that I should have a long time ago - it is okay to fail a paper, it is okay to slip below 5th in the form, it is okay to be considered mediocre in your studies, it is okay. 

You probably mean well, but I cannot bear this emotional burden any longer. I cannot live up to whatever expectations you have of me, I ca-

I would probably continue writing, but right now, I have the nagging guilt at the back of my mind - telling me to shut up and quit whining, and go study and make better use of myself. 

Till next time. 

Supposed to be studying right now, but as I've said before - I update my blog at the most crucial times when I should be busy doing something else. 

Burning out fast, with a week of trials left. Have the strongest feeling that I am going to come home crying after my Biology paper tomorrow. Promised myself that I'd be well prepared after experiencing a very bad encounter with mid terms, but when will I ever learn? Let's just hope I WILL be well prepared for SPM, the real deal, the finale. 

Felt so extremely lost with the possibilities of where to go, what to study, and all the opportunities or lack of, a few months back and although I've figured out part of it, I can't help but to have second thoughts and doubts. I want so badly to study abroad, away living the life, but am I capable of achieving such heights on my very own? I have spent nights wishing that my parents had the money to send me overseas, but I have accepted the truth that they cannot, so I have resolved to worrying hours away on how I am going to achieve it by myself. The pressure is high and I know I am slipping by the second, but I know God is reassuring me with every step I take that everything is going to be alright *cue Taylor Swift's shake it off

This was supposed to be a short one paragraph update, but I guess it's what late night thinkers do to you. 

Hope everyone is doing well & take care!

Posting this here not because I want to boast, but because I put in so much heart in writing this, just for it to be translated and thus, transformed into a piece that I am then unable to be proud to call my own. I am frustrated, but this is the piece that I share with you that is the way my kata alu-aluan should've been in the school magazine. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If 5 years ago, you told me that I would be the head prefect of my high school, I would've shook my head and laughed at you; because 5 years ago, I wasn’t anything close to who I am today.There I was, a little kid, terrified of the thought of heading to secondary school, to a new environment with new people. A few years back when I was in the final year of primary school, I was placed in a neighboring school known to be one of the best schools in Malaysia. Some of my peers congratulated me, some gave me high fives, while there were even some green with envy and wished they were in my place instead.

A week before 2010 rolled around, I decided to transfer to SMK Sri Permata.

Some people may think I’m crazy, or absolutely out of my mind to do such a thing, and truth be told, even I used to sit and wonder if I had made the wrong decision.

5 years down the road, and now I know I hadn’t.

While others put up a great fight to be enrolled in elite schools known to be garnered with much status and prestige, I chose to study here in the humble grounds of SMK Sri Permata. Truth be told, I believe that it doesn’t matter where we are - what matters most is that we make the best of what we have. And that is what I did here in SMK Sri Permata.

It has been such honour to be given the privilege of being the Head Prefect of 2013/2014. Of course, I have to admit that this journey wasn’t all a bed of roses, as nothing really is, but here’s the thing: Becoming a prefect slowly, but surely built up my confidence to speak up. It taught me how to work together with people, and eventually, how to lead and it brought out the best in me, capabilities that I wasn’t aware that I had. It gave me an experience that I will never forget down the road in the years to come, and I have so many people to thank for that.

First of all, to the teachers of SMK Sri Permata, thank you for choosing me and giving me the honour of serving as the head prefect of this school. Every advice, instruction and reprimand all came together in molding and shaping me, as well as the Prefectorial Board to what we are today, and in the never-ending journey of improving ourselves to become better individuals.

To my dearest Prefectorial Board, words cannot describe how grateful I am to be able to lead this group of amazing people. I am so incredibly blessed for my committee - the group of peoplewho not only cheered me on as I ran this race, but ran alongside me in this journey, picked me up when I was down, brushed away my tears as I went through my one too many failures, and stood as my pillar of strength in every stumbling block. Being in this board was so much more than simply being a prefect – it was being in a family with the people I love and have come to love. Thank you for giving me the best memories in the past 5 years of my life, for I am forever grateful for that.

To the Editorial Board of SMK Sri Permata, a huge thank you and congratulations once again on successfully creating this masterpiece that is sure to hold the memories of each and every student here in Sri Permata. It’s been great honour to be a part of this team and I have to thank Celine Tey Ee Ween; the Editor as well as my best friend, and her Sub-Editor, Siti Nur Safura. It’s been a painful and difficult journey, conflicts and tribulations a part of it; but you’ve succeeded, so kudos to you for that!

As this chapter of our lives slowly comes to an end, a new one unfolds differently for each and every one of us. No matterwhere the future may bring us, or what it may hold, let us never forget SMK Sri Permata for all that it has done for us.

Thank you.

"It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long

It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all."

3 days of moping around, wallowing in your self-pity and whining about how people don't appreciate you is enough. You are so incredibly blessed, remember that. I will never understand why I choose to dwell on the negative things that I tend to overlook all the positive. To say that I have a sad life would be a lie, because God's blessings are so evident in my life that I would never be able to stop listing them down. Time to chin up, and look forward; though there may be bigger storms ahead, but I know that I will always make it through. :)

I miss this place 

Do you hear my tears :'(

It definitely hasn't been a bed of roses but I will remember every happy bit of it. <3

❤️

How taking a selfie usually progresses: 

And guess what? 

I love these people. 

I can't even bother sugarcoating anything.

"So sad to be leaving school cause ____"
 But so many more reasons are being proved to be day by day of why I can't wait to leave. I can't wait to leave this place although I've been warned that it isn't any better out there, wherever 'there' is. I've come to the understanding that I WILL find dissatisfaction anywhere I go in the future, and the present is prime example for it.

"Last ____, going to miss all of this so much"
 Sure, I can't deny that there are were so many reasons why every camp, school event, competition or daily routine that had grown with me that I have come to love and even once dreaded to end along with my high school life. But guess what? Everything changes and nothing stays the same. Cliche, cliche, I know. But that's the truth. This year gave me so many reasons on why everything good isn't going to stay and be awesome all the way through and it hit me the hard way to realize that.

"You guys are the best people I have ever met in my life!"
High school drama, whether be it the ever-so-often misunderstandings (which yes, is all a part and parcel of life) or the currently most overdone 'I love you's which I can't help but feel it is all so fickle. I can't count (nor can I bother remembering) all the people who were once so close to me but somehow faded into their new hype, new posse, whatever.

So many more things but I have to stop here because I know if I continue, I will write something (if I haven't written already) that I'll regret in due time but I am not going to delete whatever I have written; because it is the bitter truth, and this will act as a reminder when I look back someday.

(of course, there are great experiences too, but I'm just not up for it for the moment. if you have something mean to say, kindly leave this blog and stop stalking me on social networks and stop being an anonymous little cyber bully AND GO GET A LIFE and move on with life, because believe me, you have so many better things to be obsessed over than - pardon me for being narcissistic - me)

Taylor Swift - The RED Tour ❤️

11062014 - Putra Indoor Stadium, Bukit Jalil

"This night is sparkling, don't you let it go. I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home. I'll spend forever wondering if you knew, I was enchanted to meet you"

:) ❤️

See you soon, Taylor <3

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 

For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. 

(Matthew 6:31-34 NKJV)

CF Camp 2014 // 28052014 - 30052014

Games: 

Fun:

People:

Formal night:

Everything else:

All in all,